Cole Hamels Is a Badass

Better watch out, Cole Hamels is one baaad, baaad man. At least he is trying to be.


It all started with the Phillies-Nationals game on Sunday Night Baseball. The Nationals started a systematic plan to kick Phillies fans out of Nationals Park with their Take Back The Park initiative. Essentially, it was a big middle finger up to the Phillies organization and their fans.


And now, the Nats are led by their good (but extremely douchey) Outfielder Bryce Harper. In 7 games with the Nationals leading up to Sunday, he hit  .261 with 3 RBIs, and was crowned Rookie Of The Year, NL MVP, a first ballot Hall Of Famer, and has been knighted by the Queen of England.


Slight exaggeration, but only on the knighting part. A lot has been said about Harper and his "intangibles", and it all boiled over on National Television.


Quick, close your eyes. What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of Cole Hamels? Is it getting mani-pedis and owning poodles? Yes, that is exactly what went through my mind.


Anyway, it seemed as though Hamels was tired of his rep of being a major wuss, and probably sick of all the attention Harper was getting. The first chance he got, Hamels beaned Harper with a 93 mph fastball square in the back.


It was funny, it was cool, and more importantly, it was great seeing Bryce Harper doubled over in pain. But Harper would get Hamels back.


Later in the inning, Harper advanced over to third. Hamels didn't seemed to care about Harper on third, and made a pickoff attempt at the runner on first. Well Harper took off for home, and scored before Laynce Nix could get the ball in to home. 


All of a sudden, Cole Hamels looked pretty stupid for plunking the kid in the back. His first steal in the Majors was home plate.


So maybe it was his pride, or maybe Hamels wanted the last laugh, but he got very cocky in a postgame interview. 


In what I'm sure was a deep, manly voice, Hamels professed “It’s just, ‘Welcome to the big leagues,’” Hamels bragged in the clubhouse. “I was trying to hit him. I mean, I’m not going to deny it.”


Hamels will most likely face suspension for his blatant confession.

Oh Cole, you are one bad dude. Soon enough, Cole Hamels will be getting barbed wire tattoos across his arm, and "I HEART MOM" on his shoulder. Spittin chaw in the dugout. Drinking beer and eating chicken on off days. Maybe he'll leave that one to the Red Sox.


But that's who he is now, Cole "Old School" Hamels. 


Today, Nats GM called Hamels' actions "gutless", and "fake tough." Ding ding ding on the latter, Rizzo. 


Hamels has no reputation for playing "beanball", and looks even sillier for telling everyone.


Maybe he didn't get the memo: Cole, we all know you intentionally beaned him. We all know Jordan Zimmerman intentionally beaned you. But what you don't do, is go in the clubhouse and tell a bunch of beat writers who have had nothing to talk about a story about you hitting America's favorite 19 year old. 


The only reason Rizzo made his comments was because Hamels tried to look big, and Rizzo had every right to retort.


So Cole Hamels may be trying to change is rep, but I'll always think of him as the somewhat flamboyant, whiny, never really finished going through puberty Cole Hamels we've come to love. And then hate. And then love again.


He'll end up in Los Angeles after this season, where the LA breeze can blow through his hair. In a very manly way, of course.


UPDATE: Cole Hamels has been given a 5 game suspension and a fine.